[This...might be more difficult than he'd anticipated. The whole 'admit the truth in the most unbelievable way possible to scare him off, because no way could that friendship happen twice' plan was perfect...
...except even a Marty that didn't know him from any other two bit Bill could possibly be gullible enough to trust him. He'd have to really go all out on this story. Deep breath.]
All right, but you remember that you asked for this...
Once upon a time, in a magical land puked up straight from some middle schooler's notebook, there were pretty ponies in every color, living in magical harmony with all kinds of fantastical and cool beings. Mighty griffons, intimidating serpents, awesome dragons... And the ponies had all kinds of great power. Unicorn magic, wings and things...and earth ponies, with no awesome power to speak of but being the handsomest and the strongest.
But all was not well in the kingdom of girly delights. One of their perfect unicorn princesses fell to darkness, becoming an entity known as the Death Horse. Or Calice, if you wanna get technical. She made it her mission to suck up everything like some giant pony vacuum, bringing 'em to a little pony town fueled by revolting levels of friendship and sweetness, to watch her subjects and eventually suck 'em all up. Her vacuum's power grew and grew until she sucked up regular folks from different planets, even. Funny thing about this vacuum, though: whoever got caught up in it popped out the other end as some storybook critter.
I turned into an earth pony because she failed to recognize my might. So I'm this freakin' horse, and everybody's bleating about friendship being magic and about how we all need to be BFFs to save the world and stuff, and that's all a complete load of crap, right? I told 'em to quit wasting time and let the unicorns blast her with their spells or something. Most people couldn't handle my awesome, so I didn't exactly get all buddy-buddy. Good, 'cause I didn't want to.
But not everybody blew me off. One of 'em, a little dragon...didn't tell me to go away. He actually had acceptable taste in music, and I was so bored out of my mind that I agreed to hang out. And then it was so not-terrible that I did it again, and again, and much to my complete disgust I started caring about him.
Yeah, whatever they had in that water got me. I hopped all aboard the friendship train. And once it started, I got another, and another...until I couldn't call myself the baddest of bad loners anymore.. And I still don't want to tell 'em they were right, but...fine. I'll say it, if only because you look too much like him for me to not care: I like having friends.
And the freakiest part: my first friend, that little dragon who wouldn't leave me alone? He wore a vest exactly like yours, he called himself Marty McFly, and he sounded exactly like you. So either you've got some freaky critter clone somewhere in this crazy universe or I'm making all this up, man. Your call.
[Please say he's making this up. Send him away. This doesn't have to be your fate, McFly.]
no subject
...except even a Marty that didn't know him from any other two bit Bill could possibly be gullible enough to trust him. He'd have to really go all out on this story. Deep breath.]
All right, but you remember that you asked for this...
Once upon a time, in a magical land puked up straight from some middle schooler's notebook, there were pretty ponies in every color, living in magical harmony with all kinds of fantastical and cool beings. Mighty griffons, intimidating serpents, awesome dragons... And the ponies had all kinds of great power. Unicorn magic, wings and things...and earth ponies, with no awesome power to speak of but being the handsomest and the strongest.
But all was not well in the kingdom of girly delights. One of their perfect unicorn princesses fell to darkness, becoming an entity known as the Death Horse. Or Calice, if you wanna get technical. She made it her mission to suck up everything like some giant pony vacuum, bringing 'em to a little pony town fueled by revolting levels of friendship and sweetness, to watch her subjects and eventually suck 'em all up. Her vacuum's power grew and grew until she sucked up regular folks from different planets, even. Funny thing about this vacuum, though: whoever got caught up in it popped out the other end as some storybook critter.
I turned into an earth pony because she failed to recognize my might. So I'm this freakin' horse, and everybody's bleating about friendship being magic and about how we all need to be BFFs to save the world and stuff, and that's all a complete load of crap, right? I told 'em to quit wasting time and let the unicorns blast her with their spells or something. Most people couldn't handle my awesome, so I didn't exactly get all buddy-buddy. Good, 'cause I didn't want to.
But not everybody blew me off. One of 'em, a little dragon...didn't tell me to go away. He actually had acceptable taste in music, and I was so bored out of my mind that I agreed to hang out. And then it was so not-terrible that I did it again, and again, and much to my complete disgust I started caring about him.
Yeah, whatever they had in that water got me. I hopped all aboard the friendship train. And once it started, I got another, and another...until I couldn't call myself the baddest of bad loners anymore.. And I still don't want to tell 'em they were right, but...fine. I'll say it, if only because you look too much like him for me to not care: I like having friends.
And the freakiest part: my first friend, that little dragon who wouldn't leave me alone? He wore a vest exactly like yours, he called himself Marty McFly, and he sounded exactly like you. So either you've got some freaky critter clone somewhere in this crazy universe or I'm making all this up, man. Your call.
[Please say he's making this up. Send him away. This doesn't have to be your fate, McFly.]